Super Smash Movie Melees
by Zephyr Analea Mewtwo's Amore
Summary: five years after the Melee tournament is over, another has started. now, the Veteran Smashers celebrate by joining TV shows! R&R, and please, no flames!
1. GSNN

ZAMA: ello, am finally back to writing again. This story used to be some strange adventure, but, due to numerous character issues, I decided to ditch that plot, and make one that actually fits the title, so here it is. IMPORTANT NOTE!: this oll takes place five years after the Melee tournament. Another has started up, and this will mainly be the antics in between the battles. Some of the character's appearances ave changed, some aven't. so no flames, please.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Super Smash Brothers Melee, GSN, Dog Eat Dog, Match Game, Lingo, or any other shows featured here. They oll belong to their respective owners. Enjoy!

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"Cartoons!"

"Educational!"

"Cartoons!"

"Educational!"

This had been going on for hours. If you haven't guessed by now, Ness and Young Link were arguing over what to watch on TV for the day.

"CARTOONS!" The young elf yelled, holding onto the remote controller with both hands and pulling it towards him.

"EDUCATIONAL!" Ness shrieked in return, yanking the remote back. The two were creating quite a fuss and had woken some of the other Smashers, as it was only three in the morning.

"Beep. Click. Buzz," a black, 2D, humanoid figure walked towards the two quarreling boys and grabbed the controller from them. "Beep! Motherly scold: It is not healthy for young boys such as yourselves to be arguing over a silly matter such as television. Beep! Unselfish comment: Mr. Game and Watch want to Watch and Game! BUZZ! Error! Error! Correction: Mr. Game and Watch want to Watch a Game!" he announced, receiving odd stares from the youngsters as he changed the channel.

"...Freak," Ness mumbled as he and Young Link plopped down on a couch situated a few feet away from the television. Mr. Game and Watch sat down between them. Mario, Bowser, Link, and Mewtwo – who was completely covered in his large, brown cloak – meandered into the room. Bowser and Link took up an arm wrestling match on the desk that stood just to the right of the plush couch, Mario took the last seat on said couch, while Mewtwo curled up in a ball on the floor, dazedly muttering something about nightmares, censors, and being woken up too early.

"So-a, what's on-a the men-a-u?" Mario inquired in his thick Italian accent.

"Nuthin," Ness and Young Link answered nonchalantly at once. After a few minutes of everyone's staring at the muted TV, Mewtwo finally crawled over and turned the volume on, the silence having given him a headache. "Lazy brats..." he muttered as he crawled in a circle around his spot on the floor, then tripped over his entangled cloak and curled up.

"This, is GSNN," a seemingly metallic, but welcoming, female voice resounded from the television, "the Game Show Network for Nintendo." A blue and black cube with the letters GSNN printed on it spins into the middle of the screen. Another portion of the screen, just to the right of the cube, margins in to reveal a schedule, with the same color scheme as the cube. "Next up, Dog Eat Dog. Followed by Match Game, and then it's Lingo!" The voice announces. The screen turns black, transitioning into the opening of the next program.

A tall woman stands amidst a group of midget wrestlers. She has pale skin, green eyes, and long purple hair, and she wears a black jumpsuit with bold, red stripes up the sides.

"Welcome to Dog Eat Dog!" she exclaims, holding her arms out to her sides. "Today, we ave a special set of guests, six of the Super Smash Brothers! The Smashers will have to measure their wits, against weight! Find out who will be top dog, as they claw their way to the top!" The camera zooms out, and then switches scenes to what seems to be boot camp. Cuts are seen of Captain Falcon scaling a rock-climbing wall, Luigi – wearing his green swimming trunks – diving into a pool, Mewtwo – having grown dreadlocks, a mini goatee, and sporting two silver earrings in his right ear – fumbling to hold a large black pen steady while writing something down on paper, Zelda wobbling across a tight rope strung between two trees, Peach yelling encouragement up to her fellow princess, and Ice Climber Nana – in an orange T-shirt and jeans, instead of her usual parka – pushing the Captain into the swimming pool.

"It has been five years since the Melee Tournament, and our friends may ave forgotten each other, so we stuck em in this camp to get to know each other, or, at least what they CHOSE to reveal," the hostess's voice echoes out of nowhere as the camera cycles through more random scenes of their camp. We zoom in on Captain Falcon as he gives an obviously fake struggle halfway through the wall. Cut to a scene where he is sitting on a log, speaking into the camera.

"I am Captain Douglas Jay Falcon, I have been apart of the Super Smash Brother competitions straight from the beginning. I have won a few tournaments, and I am confident I can win this. See, I have a sure-fire strategy here. Distract everyone while they are doing their little stunts, and they'll fail! As for the others? Well, Luigi shouldn't be too much of a hassle, he's afraid of everything. And the girls? They're weak, no problem,"

The screen moves to show Zelda standing by the side of the pool, laughing. It then fades out, then back in on her sitting cross-legged on a log, speaking to the camera. "Hi, my name is Princess Zelda Gaiden of Hyrule. This upcoming Smash Tournament will be my second, so I am sort of new. This will help in the fact that the other Smashers do not know me very well. They would never be able to guess that, as a Princess, I have under gone extensive combat training. Pick me for a physical challenge, and somebody will be going to the Dog Pound! Alas, it won't be me!"

Now, Luigi is seen poking Mewtwo. With a flash, the screen zooms in on him sitting on the log, speaking shakily to the camera. "H-hello there...my, my-a name, is-a Luigi Mario. I-a just hope I don't-a have any scary challeng-a-es..." Yes, pretty boring.

Now onto Peach. She is pointing up towards the tightrope that Zelda is crossing, and yelling something. After the scene transition, Peach is on the log, talking to the camera. "Ooh, is it my turn? Yay! Okay, my name is Princess Peach Toadstool, from, like, the Mushroom Kingdom! Hi Mario!" She waves at the camera with a cheesy grin plastered across her face. "I got that cheese pie you sent me!" ...How disturbing. Onto another scene transition.

Here, Mewtwo is seen running the hundred-meter dash. Wait, no, he's running from where he was meditating...Zelda just fell off the tightrope and nearly squashed the poor guy. Just as he was about to trip over his tail, the scene flashes over to him sitting on a log, arguing with the cameraman. "...but I don't WANT to tell the people about myself!"

"Mewtwo, you MUST! It's part of the show! Now hurry up, we're on!" The agitated cameraman shouts back.

"Fine, whatever..." Mewtwo mutters. He sits back, thinking for a moment, then begins to speak. Yes, speak, not think, speak. "My name is Mewtwo. Here is a piece of advice for you all: STAY AWAY FROM CAMERAMEN! Oh, and if you are one, get a life!" he proclaims, grinning like a goof. Just after he finished speaking, a look of terror crossed his face. He jumped up and bolted away. The cameraman had left his post, and magically produced a crowbar. He was chasing Mewtwo, waving it like a maniac. The audio was completely censored, thanks to our wonderful, responsible cameraman.

Fade out; fade in on Nana watching the chase. Another transition, and she is sitting at a DIFFERENT log, with a – thankfully – different cameraman. "Hi, I am Nana IceClimber. I came here to prove that, even without my brother, I could still win! See you at the top!"

The screen transitions back to the stage, where the hostess is standing on a raised, circular platform. Behind her is a large, deep swimming pool, to her left, the audience, and right in front of her; the six lucky Smashers were standing in a straight row on another raised platform, each behind a pedestal with their name and the Dog Eat Dog symbol printed on the yellow screen on front of it.

"Welcome, Smashers. M'name es Zephyr Analea, and twill be your host this evening. Did ye oll ave fun at camp?" Zephyr asks, clasping her hands in front of her. Assorted murmurs of yes and no rose up from the group. Zelda and Mewtwo just pressed their icepacks closer to their heads. "Sure looks like it..." Zephyr continued. "Well, for your first challenge, twill be one of you strapped to the Spinning Comet of Doom!" She proclaims, holding out her right arm, gesturing towards a large contraption. It has a triangular base, about five feet high, and a large beam is sitting horizontally on it, spinning clockwise. At the end of this beam, a large disc about five and a half feet in diameter with four adjustable clasps – two for the hands, two for the legs – are left open. It is spinning counter-clockwise, ten rotations per one rotation of the long beam. Our friends the Smashers stare at it in horror, Captain Falcon falling to the floor laughing.

"That thing would, like, totally ruin my hair!" Peach shrieked.

"It looks dirty!" Nana screamed.

"It looks like Ganondorf's bed!" Zelda yelled.

"It looks-a s-scary!" Luigi hollered.

"HAHAHA!" Captain Falcon howled.

"I can't fit on that..." Mewtwo complained.

"It looks like someone will ave ta prove their endurance! Vote for who you want to be sent spinning to their doom! It is time, to choose the loser!" Zephyr called. "Someone will either lose their lunch, or lose a team mate, when we return to, Dog Eat Dog!" she says as the screen fades to black, preparing for a commercial.

Back in the living room where the Smashers are watching the show, Young Link and Ness are rolling around on the floor, laughing fit to burst. Mario is staring at the screen, drooling. Bowser and Link are trying to get the cloak off Mewtwo. Mr. Game and Watch is beeping and buzzing to himself. Mewtwo is struggling to keep his hood on.

"Take it off! Take it off!" Ness and Young Link cheer as the three older warriors fight over the façade.

"Come on! I wanna see that stupid hair cut of yours!" Link pleads, pulling at Mewtwo's hood.

"No! It's mine!" the Psychic kitty yells, trying to duck away without losing his cover. Samus – wearing a tank top and shorts, not her armor - walks in, stops, and stares at the men pulling at Mewtwo.

"Umm...WHY, are you fighting over a lump of dirty laundry?!" she asks, apparently she hasn't recognized Mewtwo. It HAS been five years since the Smashers last saw each other, anyway. The three men stopped their fight and stared at the woman.

"...You scare me," Mewtwo simply stated, raising a brow.

".....AAAIIIEEEEEE!" Samus screamed, pointing to Mewtwo, whose hood had fallen off. "A cute rock star's ghost has possessed Mewtwo! Someone call the Ghoul Bashers!" Everyone just stared at the crazed bounty hunter, then glanced over to Mewtwo. He looked around, noticed he had lost his cloak, and then...

"AGH! NO! DIE!" He yelled, as he extended his claws and chased after Bowser, trying to scratch through that thick shell of his.

"HELP! CRAZED KITTY GONNA KILL MEEEEEEE!" Bowser whimpered. He tripped, sending Mewtwo tripping over him in the process. They both landed face first, arms in front of them and tails in the air. Just as they landed, the commercials ended. Everyone froze where they were, however odd that position may be, and turned their attention to the screen.

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ZAMA: first chapter down, more to come. The rest of Dog Eat Dog will be in the next chapter. Please R&R!


	2. Dog Eat Dog

ZAMA: Well, here's chap two. And I got it finished on my last night with this computer! Tomorrow, I get a Dell! So I take this time to pay my respects to my old friend...goodbye, computer. OH, on a random note, if anything es misspelled here, es sposed ta be like that. Enjoy!

Zoom in on the hostess, staring down at a purple digital clock hooked to her belt.

"Five...four...three...two..." she counts, then suddenly springs to life. "Welcome back, to Dog Eat Dog! While we were away, our six little Smashers voted for whom they thought would NOT be able to stand up to the Spinning Comet of Doom. Let's find out who the unlucky person is," Zephyr says calmly, facing Falcon.

The yellow screen on his podium lit up, outlining a ton of messy, illegible squiggles. "I voted for myself! Because I WILL win!" the crazy Captain commented. Everyone stared at him for a few moments.

"...Freak," Mewtwo modestly mumbled, breaking the silence. His podium lit up, revealing Nana's name in messy handwriting. "Voted for Nana."

Zelda leaned over, staring at the near illegible writing. "Of all people, I had expected that at least you, Mewtwo, would be able to write..." the Princess profoundly perorated. Mewtwo simply held up his large, three fingered paw. "...Oh..."

Luigi's screen lit up next, showing Nana's name in bold letters. "I-a voted for Nana...please don't-a hurt me!" Luigi loudly lectured.

Nana huffed, glaring at the two who voted for her. She pressed the button on her podium, affirming her vote for Captain Falcon. "I voted for Falcon over there. Good luck, loser!" the IceClimber indignantly interposed. Two votes Falcon, two votes Nana.

Zelda was next. She blabbed her ballot about Falcon. "Enjoy the ride, Captain!"

Princess Peach presented her poll picking the pilot. "I, like, voted for Falcon! Because he'd look, like, sooo cool spinning around on that thing!"

"Well, now, looks like Captain Falcon will be straddling the Spinning Comet!" the hostess happily harangued. "Let's go see why," She continued calmly, much unlike her earlier comment. "We olready know why Falcon voted for himself, so, next. Nana, why Falcon?"

"Someone needs to put that moron in his place, and this is the perfect opportunity!" the clobber connoisseur cackled.

"Wow, how...evil. NEXT! Zelda! Why Falcon?" Zephyr asked in her schizophrenic style.

"Well, I am ashamed to admit, but, I accede to Peach's alibi," Zelda answered, bowing her head.

"...That is just disturbing..." Zephyr, Mewtwo, and Nana chimed in concordance.

"Anyway, even with these rather revolting reasons, you're up, Falcon!" Zephyr continues as the Captain steps over to the Comet. "You'll be strapped to the Spinning Comet of Doom, and twill be spoutin off random words, and you will afta guess how many vowels are in them as the Comet goes round an round! Take em away, boys!" As this is said, the stage crew walks over and secures Falcon to the Comet. "Let's start her spinnin!" The comet begins to spin, gaining speed with each revolution. Faster and faster it goes, until it seems naught but a blur. "Ready Falcon?"

"YeeeeeEEEEAaaaaAAAAHHHhhh!" he replies, sounding sick.

"Les get started then! Set the clock!" A timer set for three and a half minutes appears in the bottom left corner of the screen, and just above, '0 of 6' appears. "Remember, you need six correct answers in three and a half minutes! GO! Gorgonzola!"

Twenty seconds pass before Falcon comes up with his first answer: "EIGhty-SEVen!"

"Nope, wrong! Next, apple sauce!" Three minutes left on the clock.

"FIVE!"

"CORRECT! Hand!" 2:50 left. 1 of 6.

"UUHhhhHH...FOur!"

"Wrong! Locker!" 2:35, 1 of 6.

"FOUR!"

"Wrong agin! Sing!" 2:00, 1 of 6.

"FouR!"

"No, wrong! Calculator!" 1:49, 1 of 6.

"FOUR!"

"Correct! Just dumb luck!" 1: 20, 2 of 6.

"THREE WORDS!"

"Correct...wow..." 1:10, 3 of 6.

"Three!"

"Wrong! That's better...Pineapple!" 1:00, 3 of 6.

"Ugh...TWO!"

"Wrong! Hippopotamus!" 0:59, 3 of 6.

...No answer. Falcon just passed out. The stagehands took him off the Comet as soon as it ceased spinning and dragged him to the Dog Pound, a red, caged couch to the right of the stage.

"Well that was, unfortunate..." Zephyr says, sighing. "Anyway, onto our next challenge," she points to a large television screen that somehow appeared on set, "Celebrity Freak Show!" a horribly contorted and edited picture of Will Smith appears on the screen.

"That guy, like, looks totally hot!" Peach began to privy.

"...Who's that?" Mewtwo inquired.

"He's ugly." Nana simply stated.

"I believe I've seen him once before..." Zelda meandered.

"He's-a sca-a-ary!" Luigi trembled

"Tis up to ye to decide who cannot tell one star from another! Tis time to choose, the loser!"

At the commercial, let us return to our 'Smash'ing audience. Mewtwo and Bowser are still lying on the floor in the same position they fell in, Samus was braiding Mewtwo's hair, and Mini Link and Ness were helping her, Link was just staring, completely lost. Mario stood affixed to the television screen, and Mr. Game and Watch was filing a restraining order against shredders.

"PLEASE get off my head..." Mewtwo muttered, his voice muffled by the floor.

"But your hair is so fun to play with!" the two young boys squeaked in unison.

"AND it's just plain cute!" Samus squealed, receiving many more odd stares and one angry scowl from Mewtwo. Well, the floor received the angry scowl. Close enough. But that's not the point here! "What? He is!" she added nervously. Mewtwo growled and tried to squirm away. Samus, much to his dismay, found this adorable and gave him the fangirl hug of death.

"Need...air..." he choked out as his face turned different shades of blue.

"QUIET-A!" Mario yelled as the show was coming back on.

"Welcome back, to Dog Eat Dog!" Zephyr greets as the screen zooms in on her. "When we left, our smashing friends over yonder were voting for who they thought would fail this Celebrity Freak Show challenge. Let's see how they did," she walks calmly towards the Smashers. Mewtwo's podium is the first to light up.

"Voted for Nana," Mewtwo mumbled mellowly. Her name appeared on his podium, his handwriting having improved slightly.

"I voted for Mewtwo," Nana needlessly narrated as she glared menacingly at Mewtwo. His name appeared on her podium as it lit up. Alongside Mewtwo's name was a picture of cameramen chasing him with mallets...how rude.

"I-a voted for-a Peach..." Luigi listlessly lipped.

"Well I voted for Peach!" Zelda veraciously vociferated.

"My turn? Okay! I like, totally voted for Mewtwo!" Peach preemptively pronounced.

"Well, well, well...it looks like a tie between Peach and Mewtwo! When it comes to a tie, we go to the last Smasher sent to the Dog Pound for the tie breaking decision!" Zephyr announced. She turns to the Captain. "Falcon?"

The spotlights flash over to him. "..." No response...he's lying in the Dog Pound, still unconscious.

"...He's still out...well, in this case, the vote would go to the only person who did NOT vote for one of the Smashers stuck in the tie!" the spotlights blare over to Mewtwo. He jumps in surprise, shielding his eyes.

"Whaddid I do!"

"Nothing, Mewtwo. You just afta choose between yourself and Peach. Whom will ye be sendin up to take this challenge?" hostess replies, sighing exasperatedly.

"...Oh...okay then. Um, Peach," he says, calming down a bit.

"Alright! Peach, come on down!" Zephyr waves her hand in Peach's general direction. The Princess walks down, gawking at the picture on the television screen.

"Ooo, did I win?" She asks stubbornly.

"No, Peach, ye afta take zis challenge before ya can win anythin..." the hostess groans, holding her head in her hand. "This es Celebrity Freak Show, where twill be showin ye a contorted picture of a celebrity or a person ye know. YOU will afta guess who that person is. Ye ave five minutes to guess correctly ten pictures. Ready?"

"Sa-WEET!"

"...twill take that as a yes. SHOW THE FIRST PICTURE!"

The on-set television clears, and a picture of intertwining green and red smudges appears on the screen. Peach stands there, staring at it for a few moments, then jumps up, squealing.

"That's, like, me!"

"No, wrong. It was Mario and Luigi!" the picture reshapes itself into Mario and Luigi passed out at a party, hugging each other. 0 correct, 4:30 on the clock.

"Oooo...pretty..." a large white smear with five 'horns' branching off of it appears. "Ummm...Mewtwo?"

"Wrong!" the picture turns out to be Master Hand. 0, 4:00. Another picture appears, this time nothing but a pink smudge appears.

"Oh, how do you make those gun-powder cookies, Nana?" Peach asked, not bothering to look at the screen. The picture adjusts itself, showing Nana squashing a bug.  
"Wow, correct...How did she do that?" the hostess puzzled. 1, 4:25. A perfect picture of Britney Spears appears.

"Bowser!" Peach giggled, bouncing up and down in place.

"Wrong!" The picture changes into one of Zelda. 1, 3:47. A picture of Peach appears, but one of the eyes is slightly lower than the other.

"Ummm..." Peach stands there thinking for the next two minutes, then finally jumps up with an answer. "Britney Spears!"

"...wrong...wow..." the picture rights itself, Peach still can't tell that it is a picture of her. 1, 1:00. Another picture appears, this one looking like a giant mustard spill. No answer comes from Peach, she is flirting with the unconscious Captain. The buzzer sounds as time runs out. "Well, ye oll know what this means! Peach, you're off to the Dog Pound!"

"Yay, I win!" Peach skips up the stairs and sits next to Falcon on the Dog Pound couch.

"Right...anyway, onto the next challenge!" Zephyr points to the television screen again as it clears and turns orange. "Strip Hangman! Time to test your modesty. One of ye will either reveal the puzzle, or reveal yourself!"

"I don't wanna be hung..." Mewtwo muttered.

"Wow, not even I'M that evil..." Nana rattled off.

"...ew..." Zelda shivered.

"I don't-a wanna be a ghost..." Luigi sputtered.

"It is time to choose, the loser!" Some mutters and glances are exchanged between our contestants before the start scribbling their votes down on their podiums. After a minute, they are all finished. "Mewtwo, let's start with you." His podium lights up, revealing his vote... 'Anyone but me' is scribbled quickly on the screen, and he stands there grinning sheepishly. "I...think that counts...you didn't vote for yourself," the hostess mumbles, scratching her head and thinking. "Whatever, NEXT!"

"Mewtwo," Nana noticed.

"Mewtwo-a..." Luigi did not lie.

"Mewtwo!" Zelda zaid.

"Well, in a landslide vote, it looks like Mewtwo is our next challenger! Let's see why!" the hostess happily harangued, sidling over to the Smashers. "Nana, why Mewtwo?"

"Humph! Not only because HE already voted for ME, but because he's already naked and will most likely fail!" Nana angrily huffed, pointing at the kitty clone. Everyone stared at Nana and Mewtwo for a moment. Just a second later, the technicians had placed a Dog Eat Dog censor over him. The entire studio either shielded their eyes and shrieked, or burst out laughing as Mewtwo stood there blushing hysterically and twitching his ears back in embarrassment. Five minutes later, everyone had finally settled down, albeit most of the children had been removed from the audience, while Peach and Zelda kept glancing Mewtwo's way. He shuffled down next to Zephyr on center stage, directly in front of the large television screen.

"Well...thas very interesting...Anywee, es time for Strip Hangman!" the television screen on the wall blurred, and then came back with '--- --- ---' written on it in white. "Now, normally, one would afta guess what the secret word or phrase is, one letter at a time, and once they think they knew what it was they could take a guess early. Each time they guess wrong, they would afta give me one piece of their clothing, and once they run out and guess wrong agin, they out. BUT," she giggles slightly before continuing, "in YOUR case, if you guess wrong at oll, you lose! You can start when ye ready!"

Mewtwo shifts uncomfortably, mumbling his disapproval. "A..." he grunts out, glaring at the hostess. The screen lights up, he had guessed correctly. '--- -A- ---'.

"Congratulations, you're still in the game! Carry on!"

"Wow. Humm...E?" The screen lights up again. '--- EA- ---'.

"Wow, another. Ya aren' cheatin, are ye?" the hostess randomly asks.

"...I can do that?" Mewtwo asks in response. "That'd make this a whole lot easier..."

"No, you can't. Just carry on, please..."

"Fine, meanie..." he mumbles under his breath. "O." Again, the screen lights up. '-O- EA- -O-'.

"You know ya can go ahead and guess the entire thing any time ye want."

"I can? Right...I think I'll do that now..." he stares at the ground, taking a minute to think.

"Well?"

"Hold on a minute, I'm thinking here!" he snaps angrily. He looks around the studio, looking for inspiration. Dog Eat Dog podiums, Dog Eat Dog banners, a random kid in the audience with a Dog Eat Dog shirt, Dog Eat Dog symbol on the floor...No inspiration anywhere! Wait a second...podiums, banners, the floor, a random kid... "It's Dog Eat Dog!" He finally blurts out. After a minute of suspense, the screen lights up, the words Dog Eat Dog flashing across it.

"Thas it! Congratulations, Mewtwo, you are the firs one to actually win a challenge tonight!" Zephyr squeals excitedly. "You know what this means!"

"I...get to leave?"

"No, you get to send someone that voted for ya to the Dog Pound in your place! Who will it be?"

"Oh...howsabout...Nana, because she's evil!"

"You heard him, Nana! You're goin to the Dog Pound!" the audience applauds as Nana ferociously trudges up to the Dog Pound. The screen turns black, heading into a commercial.

Back in the Hall of Justice, we find our heroes- err, wrong script...okay, here it is! Back in the makeshift living room, we find the Smashers lying around, staring at the television. Mewtwo had curled up in a ball on the floor, having finally wrestled his cloak back from Bowser. Speaking of whom, Bowser was hiding under the desk, withdrawn into his shell and shuddering like a mad man. Mario and Link were covering the kids' eyes and glaring at Mewtwo. Mr. Game and Watch had mysteriously disappeared. Samus had gotten tired and decided somehow that Mewtwo was a pretty little pillow, and used him as such. But after seeing that censor bit on the show, she just stared at him with the oddest expression on her face. After a minute of this stunned silence, she grabs Mewtwo's cloak, jumps up, and runs off with it.

"MEWTWO'S NAKED! MEWTWO'S NAAAAAAKKEEEEEED!" the bounty hunter ran for her life through the halls proudly waving the cloak around. Said crazed kitty sprang up and chased after her, trying unsuccessfully to pounce her and wrestle his cloak back.

Despite the protests of Mario and Link, Ness and Mini Link produced cameras out of nowhere and – after looking at each other with that mischievous little grin of theirs and yelling "Smashing!" - chased Samus and Mewtwo down the hall, trying to get a decent picture of the fight. Bowser, finally aware that he wasn't under attack anymore, came out of his shell and plopped right down in front of the television.

"SHOOOOW'S BAAAAAAACK!" he roared as the screen lit up again.

The camera pans around the Dog Eat Dog studio, apparently before anyone was ready to start. Luigi was hiding under his podium, the entire audience was having a huge wrestling match...how disturbing... Peach had come down out of the Dog Pound and, with Zelda's help, pounced Mewtwo and started either braiding his hair or petting him. Mewtwo, of course, was trying to run away from the two Princesses, but they held him back in the fangirl grip of death. Captain Falcon had also come out of the Dog Pound and was flirting with the hostess, looking slightly drunk. Nana - the only one who had stayed in the Dog Pound – had some form of blue prints spread out across her lap, planning some plot of total domination of the Super Smash Brothers League. After a few minutes of this nonsense, the director had gotten angry and marched up on stage, yelling his head off at everyone.

"BACK TO YOUR PLACES YOU UNGRATEFUL JERKS! WHADDYA THINK I'M PAYING YOU FOR?" The pudgy man yelled. This sure gained everyone's attention. All activity had ceased, and the entire studio was silent. A lonely wind howled dramatically in the distance.

"...We're getting paid?" Mewtwo asked quite suddenly, breaking the silence. The room rumbled with ravenous regalement. The director huffed, yelled some more obscenities at them, then he stomped back stage. Still giggling, Peach hugged Mewtwo once more, then skipped over to the Dog Pound taking her seat between Nana – who had put her blue prints and plans away – and Falcon – who looked like he had crash landed into the Dog Pound, head first. He had a bright red handprint on his face. Poor guy.

"Welcome back to Dog Eat Dog!" Zephyr exclaimed as she walked to the central raised platform, dusting her hands off. "When we left ye oll, Mewtwo had jus won his challenge, Strip Hangman, and amazed us all! Nana was sent to the Dog Pound in his place. Now, excitement of that firs win over, we gotta get goin to our next challenge, Out On a Limb!" lightning flashes, thunder rolls, a window breaks, a little girl cries, a woman shrieks, a cat hisses. "...Falcon, stop throwing things at the windows, Luigi, stop crying, Peach stop yelling, and Mewtwo, stop hissing!" the hostess commands, glaring at them.

"Sorry..." They all say, hanging their heads.

"ANYwee, as I was sayin, Out On A Limb!" nothing happens. "Ugh...I SAID OUT ON A LIMB! Thas ya cue, ya lazy freeloaders!" Zephyr hisses, throwing a brick at the sleeping stagehands. They awake with a start and scurry off. A second later, they come back pushing a huge contraption that looks somewhat like a torture device. About ten feet off the ground, it has a circular cage with four zigzagging cages branching off of it. Each of these branching cages are about ten feet long, three feet wide, and five feet tall. The center ring is three feet in diameter. Five feet into each of the branching cages is a blue flag, and at the end of each is a red flag, making eight flags total. The entire thing is spinning at about fifteen rotations per minute. "One of YOU will have to go Out On A Limb!"

"..." Luigi passed out...

"Ooooo, dizzy-ish..." Zelda puzzled like Peach.

"...I still can't fit on that..." Mewtwo whined.

"Es time ta choose, zee loser!" Zephyr announced as the three began scribbling down their ballots. A minute later, they all rang in finished. Zelda's podium was the first to light up. The word 'galoshes' was scribbled nigh illegibly on her screen. Apparently she's been taking lessons from Peach...

"I voted for Ness!" she squealed, giggling and smiling in a very creepy manner.

"Ness isn' eve ere...hoi, les jus get oon wit it...NEXT!"

"Voted Zelda," Mewtwo said as he pressed the button on his podium to reveal his vote. Instead of her name, a perfectly realistic picture of her had been drawn.

"...I...guess et counts...one vote Zelda so far. NEXT!"

"Zelda..." Luigi whispered as his podium lit up.

"Zas et, Zelda, come on up!" the hostess waves her arm in the air, signifying for Zelda to walk on down. "And please, dun pull another Peach on us..." Zelda moves down to center stage, staring at the machine. "Ready?"

"Yes, I believe so..." the Princess answers a bit shakily. At least her lapse of stupidity is over.

"Lez git er ready, boys!" the stage crew comes out and helps Zelda up to the circular chamber in the machine after fitting her with a helmet and chest guard. "Ye will be sent spinning in this machine, and your task es ta grab oll the flags within five minutes, but ye mus start with the red ones on the ends, then after ya collect oll four of those, head on for the blue. Ye MUST return to the center with ALL EIGHT FLAGS! Ready?" Zelda holds thumbs up to show she's ready. "Lez start er a spinnin!" the machine begins to twirl around, gaining speed. The clock sets itself for five minutes. "BEGIN!"

Zelda stumbles off into one of the caged corridors, bumping into the walls. She struggles to get past the bend, but trips over a bar. Her head slams against the other side of the rotating hall, but she gets up on her hands and knees after a while and crawls to the end of the corridor. Reaching up, she manages to grab the first red flag and stuff it in a pocket. She turns around and starts to walk back to the center, but the heel of her fancy high-heeled shoes get stuck in the crossbars on the floor. After tugging at it relentlessly, Zelda finally decides to give up. "Help!" she calls. As soon as the machine slows to a halt, the stage crew runs up and helps get her out.

Once at the bottom, Zelda passes out next to the hostess. "I guess she couldn' handle the speed..." she remarked, staring down at the limp Princess. "Take her to the Dog Pound..." the stage hands carry the second unconscious Smasher up to the Dog Pound and lay her down next to the others. "Right...anywee, wit only two of ya left, ye will duke it out in a one on one challenge over the pool!" Zephyr points to the large Dog Eat Dog swimming pool, where two bars are being lowered from the ceiling by thick flexi rope. "Get into your swimsuits, and come on down!"

After a short scene transition, Mewtwo and Luigi are standing next to Zephyr by the side of the pool. Luigi had slipped into his green swimming trunks while Mewtwo...didn't. He has no swimming trunks. Nor any other pants for that matter...ANYWAY, the point here is that they were standing by the pool ready to get wet. "Ye will be hangin onto those bars, suspended above the pool. Whoever can hold on the longest, wins! Oh, and jus a forewarnin, twill be a few...surprises thrown your way, so be ready! Now get in!" Zephyr pushes both the Smashers into the pool and they swim over to the bars, grabbing onto them for dear life as they are raised twenty feet above the pool.

Ten minutes pass before any change seems to appear. "How ye holdin in there, boys?" the hostess calls up to them.

"I want mamma mia..." Luigi stutters. No response is heard from Mewtwo other than a slight snore.

"He fell asleep? Hoi...cute..." Zephyr muses. "Sorry, but es time for a wake up call! BRING ON THE RAIN!" artificial thunder is heard as ice-cold water rains down on the two hanging Smashers. Mewtwo jolts awake and off the bar in surprise. He slams into the water and, after a minute of floundering, grabs onto the edge of the pool, his fur matted to his skin and water dripping from his mini beard.

"Kaka...who left the roof open?" the wet cat mumbled groggily, still half asleep.

"No one. Now go up to that couch over there and go back to sleep."

"Mmkay..." he yawned, then trudged over to the Dog Pound and fell asleep on the plush couch, ignoring the fact that the Princesses had come over again to pet him.

"Heh, men...anyway, congratulations, Luigi, you are tonight's top dog!" Zephyr sang as she helped the plumber out of the pool. "After the break, ye will be goin up against the Dog Pound for the prize of twenty-five THOUSAND credits!"

"Mamma mia..." Luigi mutters, pulling at a corner of the corner of the screen, acting as if he's turning the page in an oversized comic book...and it works! The picture is pulled away, and we are left staring at the commercial! GASP!

In the living room, we find Mewtwo curled up on the couch, trying to sleep, but finding it hard as Samus, Ness, Mini Link, and the two Princesses – who had just wandered in after the last commercial break – were either petting him or playing with his fur. Link was hiding on the back of Bowser's shell, while Bowser twirled in circles trying to pull the fairy boy off of him. Mario, Game and Watch, and Pichu were playing poker in the corner.

Poor little Mewtwo whimpers quietly as the others fight over him as if he were a stray kitten they found. Ness and Mini Link were tying pink bows into his fur, while the three girls stuck to making braids and combing. Poor kitty...Anyway, onto the poker game. Ah, never mind...Bowser got too dizzy and threw up on them...their cards just dissolved...

They're boring, FAST FORWARD! Commercial break over!

Zoom in on Zephyr and Luigi standing on the raised platform in center stage, facing the Dog Pound. Captain Falcon was flirting with Nana, who was reading over her world domination notes. Zelda and Peach were crooning over the sleeping Mewtwo, whom they had pulled up into Zelda's lap. She was petting behind his ears and giggling, whispering something to Peach about how cute cats are. Mewtwo was purring in his sleep, a blank expression on his face.

"Welcome back, to Dog Eat Dog!" Zephyr announced...wait a second, REWIND! Mewtwo was purring in his sleep, a blank expression on his face. "...hoi, somebody wake Mewtwo up olready!"

"But I dun wanna! He never purrs, much less let us pet him!" Peach profoundly protested.

"Ugh, whatever...anywee, onta zee las challenge! Twill be giving ze Dog Pound a category from which one of them will afta answer a question, but before they do, Luigi ere will choose which ona dem he thinks will NOT be able to get it right. If the Dog Pound gets three questions right, they win! If they get three wrong, they lose! Simple as that! Ready for ya firs category?"

"Si," Luigi shakily said.

"Riiiight...REVEAL THE FIRST CATEGORY!" Zephyr yelled, pointing at the screen on the wall. The word 'LOGIC' appears, outlined in gold. "The category es logic. Now, Luigi, choose who you think would NOT be able to get a logic question correct."

"Mamma mia...I'm-a gonna choose Mew-a-two, because he's asleep..."

"Alrigh then, Mewtwo, WAKE UP!" just after this was said, Mewtwo jumped up and grabbed onto the wall, hanging onto it by his claws. He quickly turns around, hissing at whomever it was that ruined his catnap. "Good, now that I ave your attention, lez continue. Mewtwo, what is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?"

"...You're insane...it's forty-two. Can I go back to sleep now?" Mewtwo replied, glaring daggers at her. Luigi was already doing the victory dance.

"Your answer is forty-two," Mewtwo nods as Zephyr says this, "the correct answer is...Forty-two! Congratulations, you just earned one point for the Dog Pound!"

"...What? Ugh, can I go back to sleep now?"

"...Fine, but you should be happy. Ready for the next category, Luigi?"

"Si..." he responded, looking dumbstruck. Mewtwo, now uninterested, sidled back down to the Dog Pound to resume his nap.

"The next category is..." she waits until the screen lights up, "Hair Products! Who ya gonna call?"

"GHOST-A BUSTERS! Err, Falcon..."

"Right, FALCON! You're up!" the racer stood up, scared out of his wits for some reason.

"Falcon, what do you use first, shampoo, or conditioner?" Luigi groans, knowing there is no way anyone can get this question wrong. Falcon stands there, scratching his chin and thinking.

"Humm...mud?" the Captain answers after a minute of muttering to himself.

"...Is that your final answer"  
"Yes, mud!"

"Your answer, is mud. The correct answer, is shampoo. Daft moron... One point Dog Pound, one point Luigi!" said green plumber jumps about in celebration as this is announced. The screen lights up, showing the next category. "Cars! Luigi, who do you think can NOT answer a question about cars?"

"Aye aye aye... Nana," the plumber precariously pronounced.

"Nana, stand up!" the ice climber does so. "What is the Canadian car of the year?"

"What in the world? Uh, is it the model T"  
"Your answer, the Model T," Nana nods, "The correct answer, is PT Cruiser! One point Dog Pound, two points Luigi!" Nana stomped her foot, cursing about the wrong answer. She sat down just as the screen lit up with the next category.

"Next up, Food! Luigi, whom do ye think twill least likely be able to answer a question about food?"

"Peachy! Sorry-a, Peachy..."

"Ahrigh, then, Peach! You're up!"

"Oooo, yay! Did I win yet?" the Princess oddly asks as she bounces up and down in place by the rail.

"No, ye did noh win... Hoi, jus answer ze question! How many bugs can be found in peanut butter!" Zephyr yells, more than asks, sounding very annoyed, her speech heavily accented.

"I, like, totally LOVE peanut butter! It is sooo gooood..." Peach rambles on, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

"Oi Myuutsuu...twill jus give Luigi ze point! Luigi wins!" the hostess yells, throwing her cue cards down. "We're outta toime anywee, congratulations, Luigi, ye jus won twenty-five thousand credits! Sorry to whomever in ze Dog Pound actually tried. See ye oll nex time, on Dog Eat Dog!" she waves to the camera, gritting her teeth. Zoom out, and we see Luigi diving into the pool, celebrating. Captain Falcon is lying on the floor again, unconscious...Nana had gotten fed up with his flirting and gave him a wallop across the head with her mallet. Mewtwo had flown over to the top of the pillar that holds the on-set television screen and fallen asleep. Peach is still rambling on about peanut butter, and Zelda is talking into a cell phone. The screen blanks, then turns orange, the Dog Eat Dog logo plastered across it. It margins up, as the credits roll below it.

Back in the smashing Smasher's living room, we find Mini Link, Ness, Mario, Link, Bowser, Samus, Pichu, and Mr. Game and Watch staring at the screen, mouths agape. Mewtwo has finally found peace by crawling into the cupboards in the connecting kitchen, curling up, and falling back to sleep. Peach and Zelda had wandered off again, losing interest in the happenings here. How smashing.

"Beep. Astonished comment: So THAT'S how Luigi became so rich. Buzz, end comment." Mr. Game and Watch spouted off.

"I thought he just leeched off Peach..." Link murmured, gaining a smack across the face from Mario.

"Morons..." Bowser says. "What's next?"

"I think Match Game..." Ness replied.

"YAY! I LIKE MATCHES!" Mini Link sang. Ignoring these strange comments, everyone hunkered down, readying for the next show.

-----------------------

ZAMA: Hoi, tired...this took a while ta do. Hope ye oll happy out there. Read and review, please!

Oh, one more random note. Up where Mewtwo said "Kaka" after falling into the pool, that es from an inside joke I've had runnin with m'lil brother. In Pikachu language, it means shit. 


End file.
